that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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