I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
