i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
