he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
