He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
