so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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