hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
