Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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