Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
