and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
