Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
