oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
