my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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