Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
