My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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