We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
