2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
