I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
