I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
