Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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