oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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