One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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