i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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