I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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