She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
