I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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