That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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