I wish I could punch you in the face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
