your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
