Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
