i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
