what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
