I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
