pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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