Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
