I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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