Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
