Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
