I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
