I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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