I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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