Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
