Whatcha textin bout Willis?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
