what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
