every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
