they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
