idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
