I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
