oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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