I hate your face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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