The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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