There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
