you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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