Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
