I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
