the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
