well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
