Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
