Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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