More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
