Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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