Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
