We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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