Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
