if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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