all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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