We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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