Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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