Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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