I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
