i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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