so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
