I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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