What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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