Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
