Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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