There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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