If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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