Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
