just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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