I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
