I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
