We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
