Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
