I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
