I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
