Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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