So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
