Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
