my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
