Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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