hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
