Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
