You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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