why do cheetos always look like penises
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
