genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
