Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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