Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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